i made you a mix cd, to tell you exactly how i feel.

⤹click on a cd to see the tracklist & info⤸

As a teenager, one of my favorite hobbies was creating mix CDs. Although I had no one to gift them to, I'd often burn them onto a blank CD and create album art for each one anyway. I was heavily inspired by the playlists posted by the writers of Rookiemag, Tumblr user thisishangingrockcomics, and the 8tracks community. Here are some I've made just for this site.

Each playlist has a Spotify link. Apologies to Apple Music ~~snoozers~~ users.

THE CELL IN MY BRAIN

61 tracks, 4hr 17min listen 2 playlist on spotify

do you go to the dungeon to find out how to make peace with your days in the dungeon?

front row, alanis morissette

a playlist about demons, man. fightin' 'em! a war, the one in and around you. for when your search has been long and futile, and brutal in the pursuit of knowledge, meaning, happiness, purpose, and... like, god? oh god.

in my dome of ivory, a home of activity
i want the answers quickly, but i don't have no energy
i hold a cup of wisdom, but there is nothing within
my cup, she never overfloweth
and 'tis i that moan and groaneth

some grey and white matter
give me the karma, mamma
a jet to mecca, tibet or jeddah,
to sailsbury, a monastery,
the longest journey
across the desert,
across the weather,
across the elements,
across the water

sat in your lap, kate bush

a playlist about attempts to claw out of a hole you have no one else but yourself to blame for when it's collapsed in on itself. i mean, you're the one holding the shovel, yeah? aren't you sitting in the driver's seat of this vessel at this very moment? you're heading full speed towards the event horizon of your own gargantuan shit. sad!

can't take a good day without a bad one
don't feel just to smile until i've had one
where did i learn?

i make a fuss about a little thing
the rhyme is losing to the riddling
where's the turn?

i don't want a home, i'd ruin that
home is where my habits have a habitat
why give it a turn?

oh, after all the folderol
and hauling over coals stops
what did i learn?

better version of me, fiona apple

a playlist about a fever that crawls into you, a colorful one. (but- scarlet, yellow? too soon to tell) a restless and itchy fever that's sick of laying dormant. it breaks out and spreads across your skin, inevitably infecting everyone and everything you touch. evil is a relay sport, when the one who's burned turns to pass the torch.

a playlist about nothing! loneliness, isolation and emotional quarantine. having to learn that love is in the giving and not the receiving end. and ya know, it turns out love is everywhere... if you want it there. but not for you, no. because i swear, loving you is complicated.

did you know that there's a tunnel under ocean boulevard?
mosaic ceilings, painted tiles on the wall
i can't help but feel somewhat like my body marred my soul
handmade beauty sealed up by two man-made walls
and i'm like,
when's it gonna be my turn?

did you know that there's a tunnel under ocean blvd, lana del rey

a playlist about standing in front of a mirror and delighting in yourself... only to discover you've been planted in front of that mirror for so long that when you check your complexion, you find your reflection's all alone. oh, so you've got angst in your pants, like, perpetually? what kind of fuck-ass ouroboros type shit is this?

a playlist about the kind of strength and power that can only be achieved through radical sensitivity and vulnerability. finding a way to project your voice over the noise that people make when they don't know shit... making peace with the fact that very well may be stumbling over your mic cable and having to pause to plug it back in, in perpetuity, until maybe one day you give up the gun and try tying a noose with that damn thing. finding that even after all of the grueling self-work, sometimes you're still a pushover for passionate people.

you're scared to win, scared to lose
i heard the war was over if you really choose
the one in and around you

you hate the heat, you've got the blues
changing like the weather,
oh, that's so like you
the santa ana moves you

california, lana del rey

this playlist is particularly dear and personal to me. it includes songs that are damn near sacred to me that i have spent countless hours over the years growing with & learning from. this tracklist would also not be complete without the inclusion of music made by people i know and have known personally. beautiful souls i feel incredibly lucky to have, to know, and to be able to bask in their brilliance close up, from the front row (with popcorn)

some of the aforementioned songs of note:

you were on the ground
praying for forgiveness from me
i was in the clouds
i knew you weren't proud

orion's belt buckle… atlanta space quartet

i've been grounded for some time now
but on my life i never said i was above it
[...]
i've been sounding, generating
but on my life i never thought i'd sing this loud

halfway house…ezra pounds, doud

the cat's out of the bag
and he winks as he passes me

why do i want…good will son

too late to work it out
i'll leave my problems on the shelf
and i found out
apologize
let it go
[...]
and i look down
apologize
let it go

don't take…doud

all i ever wanted was a book of facts
never mind, y'all can have it back

booko' fax…tsar of gamble